Your tits are I can't wait for
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
