I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
