I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
