I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
