my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They took my balls.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
