living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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