i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
