They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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