i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
