How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
