I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
