What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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