I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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