I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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