Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
