I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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