Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
