All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
