i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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