20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
