Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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