you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
false alarm. still invincible.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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