She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
