Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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