the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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