i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
