I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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