im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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