and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
