Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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