I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
