WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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