Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
