i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think my mom watched the whole time
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
