theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
