Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
