apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
