Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
