You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
