apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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