I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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