to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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