he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You ruined the universe
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
