my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
