His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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