why didn't you poke me back
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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