I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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