as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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