he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
