In the future we'll all be gay
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
